I’ve been putting off writing this post even though I’ve had it planned for a few months now. It’s something I’m quite conflicted about. On the one hand I know the benefits of crying and how natural it is, yet it’s still something I find myself apologizing for and feel weak for doing. Anyway I’ve finally bitten the bullet and hope in doing so I can accept that it is okay and help others feel the same. So here it is.
Crying is a very personal thing and one of the most powerful and strongest emotions we can show. I am a cryer and get tearfull in all sorts of situations both good and bad. I got tearful when my friend announced her engagement and at the wedding because I was so happy for her. I well up watching a particularly emotional film or hearing a moving piece of music. I’ve cried in frustration when I can’t get something to work.
Then there’s the crying that comes with my Anxiety and Depression. This is different, this is crying that I’m ashamed of. It’s crying because I feel like a failure, because I can’t cope with the overwhelming conflict, confusion and feelings going round in my head, crying so hard I make myself sick and sometimes crying but not knowing why. This type of crying is very private for me. When I do end up breaking down in front of others, I judge myself and feel weak, I fear that they will judge me and think less of me. I apologise a lot! Crying like this in front of others makes me feel so very vulnerable and I don’t do feeling vulnerable. I pride myself on being independent and strong and feeling vulnerable goes directly against this.
All that being said I’m an advocate for crying. A good cry can be just the release you need and soothing. It can actually help reduce stress as it removes built up chemicals which can improve mood. Emotional crying is what makes you human and can also be a signal for human contact, which in turn also reduces stress. If someone is upset and on the verge of tears but trying to fight it, I’ll be the first to say it’s okay, you can let it out, it’s perfectly natural. Very much do as I say, not as I do.
I’m working on it and for those who do find me crying in front of them, know that you don’t need to fix it, just be there whilst I let it out. Also, a hug after is always good too 😊